Want Me
by skamstories
Summary: Silvia POV after Edoardo kisses another girl at Fede's 18th birthday party in season one.


p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Silvia got up from the couch, finishing her drink in one gulp and going in search of another./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She didn't understand what she'd done wrong./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Edoardo hadn't acted terribly weird after they had sex, not that she knew what normal behaviour was after having sex with someone./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Why didn't he want her? What about her was unwantable?/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She thought about the other girl he was with as she stumbled through the crowd towards the bar. Did Edoardo want that girl? Would he only give her a night of his time too? Or was she someone he'd want longer than that?/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She wished she'd gone with Eva./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She didn't know why she was still here. No one really cared if she was there. Edoardo didn't care. Federico only invited her so Eva would come. And Eleonora, Federica and Sana were god knows where./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"They were having fun without her. She wasn't even important to her so-called friends. She could disappear and they probably wouldn't notice. She was the one in the group they always told to be quiet, always judged, always laughed at./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Federica used to be her friend, but Silvia could tell she preferred the others to her. She'd found better people, Silvia didn't matter to her anymore./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Sana hated Silvia and she didn't understand why. She knew sometimes she said stupid things, she wasn't so egotistical to think she was perfect or had perfect opinions, but she didn't think she'd ever done anything so horrible that would warrant the hatred that Sana seemed to have for her. /p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"And Eleonora. Eleonora rolled her eyes at least six times anytime Silvia was around. She treated her like a child, like everything she did was wrong. Silvia could tell she hated her./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She felt tears coming, battling to keep them at bay. She clenched her teeth, swallowing hard. She didn't want anyone to see her cry. With her luck her invisibility would disappear only when she was doing something people could laugh at her for./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Successfully getting another drink from the bar, she made her way back through the crowd to the couch. She wished someone would come find her. She wished she was important enough for that./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She looked back over at Edoardo and the girl, watching them. She knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't look away. It's like she needed to see it in front of her, to know it was real. So she could stop hoping and praying he'd walk up to her and ask her for a dance, that he'd suddenly want her./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Of course he preferred her. She was the better option. Not just tonight, but always. She was prettier, skinnier. She looked more experienced too. Of course he didn't want some little girl who didn't know what she was doing. Silvia was shocked Edoardo had even given her the little time he had./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She'd been so amazed he'd wanted her for even a minute that she'd been shocked into thinking it could be a regular thing; someone wanting her./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She slid her hand down her stomach mindlessly, unable to stop thinking of all the reasons why Edoardo didn't want her./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Her eyes moved from Edoardo, glancing over all the couples in the room. No one would ever want her like that. She was obviously the kind of girl boys only wanted for a night. How did you become the kind of girl they'd want more than that?/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Did boys even ever really want a girl more than that, though? Wasn't Gio cheating on Eva? She knew Fede had a girlfriend but he was still chasing after Eva./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"They were all after Eva, though. So surely she was wantable. What did she have that Silvia didn't?/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She knew the answer though. Eva was cool. Silvia wasn't. Silvia tried to be cool, but she always failed. She always sent too many texts, or talked about things people didn't care about. /p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"People probably thought that everything Eva said was interesting. They could probably say the same things, and Eva would be interesting and Silvia wouldn't be. Just because it was Eva, just because she was better./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Weren't you supposed to find someone who liked you for you? Or was that bullshit? Would no one ever like her talking about her cat, or want her to send them more than one message a day?/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She looked back up at Edoardo. She had so much to say to him, and he didn't care. He wouldn't want to hear any of it./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"No one was ever going to want her. No one was going to like her without her changing herself./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She slumped back in her seat, bringing her glass up to her lips and taking a gulp./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"What was the point?/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Why did she even bother?/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Maybe boys would only ever want her for a night. Maybe that was her reality and she just had to get used to it./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She looked away from Edoardo and down at her drink, tracing the rim of the glass with her finger. She sat there like that for a while, lost in her own misery./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;""Silvia?"/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Silvia looked up at to see Eleonora standing in front of her, her hand outstretched./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;""Let's go find Fede and Sana."/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Silvia shook her head. "I don't want to."/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Eleonora's hand fell to her side. "Perché?"/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;""She told me" Silvia said, looking away from Eleonora and over at Edoardo and the other girl./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;""Who told you what?"/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Silvia finished her drink, placing it down on the table. "Sana. She told me he didn't want me."/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;""Silvia…"/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;""Don't tell me otherwise, Ele." /p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Sana had been right. She was entirely unwantable. /p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She heard Eleonora sigh before stepping closer and pulling her up off the couch. "Come on, we're leaving. We can leave, just the two of us. Are you hungry? We can go eat."/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"Silvia shook her head. "I'm not hungry." She didn't feel like she ever wanted to eat again. Would he want her then?/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;""Okay, well I want some water so let's go get some. Then we can go for a walk and go home. Okay?"/p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;""Okay" Silvia answered, not really paying attention./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"She felt Eleonora's arm around her shoulders, guiding her away. She kept her eyes down, unable to look at Edoardo anymore./p  
p style="margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; color: #090808; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 10px; text-align: justify;"He'd never want her. No one would./p 


End file.
